Comments for transformative-living http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com choice-full, aware, intentional & life-serving Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:54:46 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Jumping over the communication barriers by REIT http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/jumping-over-the-communication-barriers/#comment-385 REIT Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:54:46 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/jumping-over-the-communication-barriers/#comment-385 Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!.....I"ll be checking in on a regularly now....Keep up the good work! :) <a HREF="http://www.xbox360forum.com/forum/members/lordraiden.html" rel="nofollow"> :) </A> Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!…..I”ll be checking in on a regularly now….Keep up the good work! :) :)

]]> Comment on Jumping over the communication barriers by JimmyBean http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/jumping-over-the-communication-barriers/#comment-382 JimmyBean Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:42:51 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/jumping-over-the-communication-barriers/#comment-382 I don't know If I said it already but ...This blog rocks! I gotta say, that I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I'm glad I found your blog. Thanks, :) A definite great read..Jim Bean I don’t know If I said it already but …This blog rocks! I gotta say, that I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks, :)

A definite great read..Jim Bean

]]> Comment on Jumping over the communication barriers by Kim Maree http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/jumping-over-the-communication-barriers/#comment-374 Kim Maree Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:47:42 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/jumping-over-the-communication-barriers/#comment-374 Thank you for the article on 'Jumping Over the Communication Barriers' - I am having some trouble reading all of the words in the article due to the formatting. Thank you for the article on ‘Jumping Over the Communication Barriers’ – I am having some trouble reading all of the words in the article due to the formatting.

]]> Comment on A trap for the conflict unwary by Ian | Quantum Learning http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/08/30/a-trap-for-the-conflict-unwary/#comment-367 Ian | Quantum Learning Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:03:16 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/08/30/a-trap-for-the-conflict-unwary/#comment-367 Leona I fully agree that understanding and agreeing are quite different things. I don't think mixing the two is a problem specific to NVC but is rather a common misconception. I enjoy your suggestions for handling it - and I agree with Ken that it might sound robotic. That's probably then just a case of finding my own words for it. I'm wondering if in this situation you describe you were trying to understand what the other side was saying? In my experience, when I'm trying to understand then I can't be in empathic connection at the same time. And when I'm trying to guess (intellectually) what their feelings and needs are then I'm also not giving empathy. It's often a subtle distinction .. but when I'm truly hearing empathically then I have no reaction myself whatever the other person says. Even if they express their relief that I agree with what they're saying - even that I can hear with my energy with them and not with me. And Ken ... I fully agree that NVC sounds robotic when applied as a 4 step, formulaic approach. I've always understood that as part of learning a different kind of communication consciousness. I've been working with NVC for around 8 years and have almost got it sounding natural and 'me' when it comes out my mouth - but there are still times when it sounds like something I read in a text book! When it 'works' the best is when I don't think about it and trust the underlying shift in my awareness. Leona

I fully agree that understanding and agreeing are quite different things. I don’t think mixing the two is a problem specific to NVC but is rather a common misconception.

I enjoy your suggestions for handling it – and I agree with Ken that it might sound robotic. That’s probably then just a case of finding my own words for it.

I’m wondering if in this situation you describe you were trying to understand what the other side was saying?

In my experience, when I’m trying to understand then I can’t be in empathic connection at the same time. And when I’m trying to guess (intellectually) what their feelings and needs are then I’m also not giving empathy. It’s often a subtle distinction .. but when I’m truly hearing empathically then I have no reaction myself whatever the other person says. Even if they express their relief that I agree with what they’re saying – even that I can hear with my energy with them and not with me.

And Ken … I fully agree that NVC sounds robotic when applied as a 4 step, formulaic approach. I’ve always understood that as part of learning a different kind of communication consciousness. I’ve been working with NVC for around 8 years and have almost got it sounding natural and ‘me’ when it comes out my mouth – but there are still times when it sounds like something I read in a text book!

When it ‘works’ the best is when I don’t think about it and trust the underlying shift in my awareness.

]]> Comment on A trap for the conflict unwary by Ken http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/08/30/a-trap-for-the-conflict-unwary/#comment-366 Ken Sun, 30 Aug 2009 15:08:33 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/08/30/a-trap-for-the-conflict-unwary/#comment-366 Leona For me it is less a trap and more a continuing frustration with nvc. Almost always when I give empathy the other person hears it as agreement with their position. This is probably number 2 on my list of frustrations I encounter with NVC. I'm happy that you mention this problem and give examples of how to address that issue ..... but to me the responses you give sound robotic and formulaic (Which by the way is my greatest frustration in trying to use NVC) Leona

For me it is less a trap and more a continuing frustration with nvc. Almost always when I give empathy the other person hears it as agreement with their position. This is probably number 2 on my list of frustrations I encounter with NVC.

I’m happy that you mention this problem and give examples of how to address that issue ….. but to me the responses you give sound robotic and formulaic (Which by the way is my greatest frustration in trying to use NVC)

]]> Comment on The problematic paradox of talk therapy by Anthony Lemme http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2008/12/19/the-problematic-paradox-of-talk-therapy/#comment-357 Anthony Lemme Sat, 08 Aug 2009 23:08:09 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2008/12/19/the-problematic-paradox-of-talk-therapy/#comment-357 Hi Leona, This is my first visit to your blog and must say I agree wholeheartedly with your take on Talk therapy and also about Michaels take on blockages in the body. I have gotten more from my yoga and Zen practices than any therapy other than EMDR which of course goes far beyond talking. I haven't had a chance to look at your other articles but the topics look great. I'll have to come back when I have more time. Kind Regards, Anthony Hi Leona,

This is my first visit to your blog and must say I agree wholeheartedly with your take on Talk therapy and also about Michaels take on blockages in the body.

I have gotten more from my yoga and Zen practices than any therapy other than EMDR which of course goes far beyond talking.

I haven’t had a chance to look at your other articles but the topics look great. I’ll have to come back when I have more time.

Kind Regards,
Anthony

]]> Comment on Interrupt with grace by Interrupt with Grace 2 – you’re full up http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/05/27/interrupt-with-grace/#comment-306 Interrupt with Grace 2 – you’re full up Fri, 26 Jun 2009 20:28:55 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/05/27/interrupt-with-grace/#comment-306 [...] May I posted Interrupt with Grace written by Ian Peatey at Quantum [...] [...] May I posted Interrupt with Grace written by Ian Peatey at Quantum [...]

]]> Comment on What is spirituality anyway? by Spiritual Pragmatism & Practice http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/02/13/what-is-spirituality-anyway/#comment-302 Spiritual Pragmatism & Practice Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:34:53 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/02/13/what-is-spirituality-anyway/#comment-302 [...] have a spiritual practice. Indeed, grammatically I should write I have a few spiritual practices. Why? Well, I am a pragmatic [...] [...] have a spiritual practice. Indeed, grammatically I should write I have a few spiritual practices. Why? Well, I am a pragmatic [...]

]]> Comment on Interrupt with grace by Interrupt with Grace 2 – you’re full up « transformative-living http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/05/27/interrupt-with-grace/#comment-274 Interrupt with Grace 2 – you’re full up « transformative-living Sat, 13 Jun 2009 22:21:49 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/05/27/interrupt-with-grace/#comment-274 [...] In May I posted Interrupt with Grace written by Ian Peatey at Quantum [...] [...] In May I posted Interrupt with Grace written by Ian Peatey at Quantum [...]

]]> Comment on Interrupt with grace by purposepowercoaching http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/05/27/interrupt-with-grace/#comment-259 purposepowercoaching Wed, 27 May 2009 17:13:41 +0000 http://transformativeliving.wordpress.com/2009/05/27/interrupt-with-grace/#comment-259 Thanks for this Ian. I love what Rosenberg says about this in Nonviolent Communication -- that people are often grateful when you interrupt them and let them know that you find your attention wandering, because they aren't very interested in what they're talking about either and they're speaking just to fill the space, or distract themselves from what they're really feeling. I've found this to be true in working with people as well. Thanks for this Ian. I love what Rosenberg says about this in Nonviolent Communication — that people are often grateful when you interrupt them and let them know that you find your attention wandering, because they aren’t very interested in what they’re talking about either and they’re speaking just to fill the space, or distract themselves from what they’re really feeling.

I’ve found this to be true in working with people as well.

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